My Journey of Rebirth and Reflection

Today is my son’s birthday and it’s also the day I almost died so as I celebrate him turning 3, I also celebrate myself for what I like to call my rebirth. A near death experience will make anyone re-evaluate their life and that’s exactly what happened with me. Allow me to share 3 lessons I’ve learned in the last 3 years:

1. I have learned to be even more intentional about my relationships, both personal and professional. My father instilled in me the importance of showing up for the people in my life and I saw the fruits of this when I was pregnant and jobless during the pandemic. My friends, family and former colleagues held two baby showers for us and provided everything we needed for our son for almost a year. According to me, I was just being a friend so I didn’t think I was deserving of it at the time but I was reminded that the years I had spent pouring into others were being “paid back”. So, I urge you to make time for the phone calls, to go for the coffee date with a friend and avail yourself for that bridal shower. These might be the people who will hold you down one day.

2. You will drop the ball many times just try not to drop the ones that can’t be fixed. I once watched a speaker use different kinds of balls to illustrate the things that matter in life. They described the glass balls as the most precious. These are the things that you should prioritise like your health, your family, your children or your relationship. These are the balls you don’t want to drop because repairing the damage might be impossible. The rubber balls are the things that we spend a lot of time on, things that matter like making money or building your career. These are things that have many ups and downs, they may change many times over the course of your life so you can always choose or be forced in a different direction. I have made extraordinary amounts of money and I have also lost everything including the clothes on my back. My ability to learn the lesson and try again is what has allowed me to bounce back and start over again and rebuild. I have learned to give my best where I am, at work I am fully present and productive and when I’m home or with my family I do the same. I don’t always get it right but I am trying so decide what your glass balls and your rubber balls are and try not to drop them.

3. Seek advise but trust yourself. As a new mum, everyone and their mother (pun intended) had something to say about how I should do things. I quickly learned to shut down what doesn’t work for me and take what does. On the flip side, I have actively sought the counsel of experts from coaches to therapists and phew the last three years have been eye opening.

What started out as a journey to deal with the grief of losing my father and be the best mother and partner I could be led me to myself. I have a greater awareness of self and have come to terms with who I am as Nelly. I am whole as I am and I belong to me before I am anyone else’s.

What have you learned in your years of motherhood?